Diary Entry #01: What Happened to Genki Pika Pika?
Lord, just writing that already makes me sound like those YouTube hiatus/burnout videos. However, I feel like for any readers that have still followed my smol blog up even now – they still deserve an explanation of what happened to it, what happened to me perhaps. To get straight to the point, I wasn't myself and I've hit absolutely rock bottom. It wasn't until maybe the second quarter of 2019 that I've started trying to get my life back together essentially.
Starting in 2018, a lot of things in my life just started crumbling down. I was previously a STEM major in university but I absolutely hated the subject at that point. I was only pursuing the degree because of family and because of the promise of a big paycheck. I couldn't deal with the stress anymore and just stopped trying – ultimately failing the semester. My relationship with my family crumbled because of me failing in the major. You know Asian families are – if you don't have a degree and a high-paying job in the STEM field, you're practically a mistake and a waste of time.
In the past, I have also mentioned (but since deleted) in entries that I had a boyfriend. I had fallen out of love with him, yet I felt obligated to stay with him due to various reasons. I felt suffocated, drained, intimidated, fearful. Thinking back, maybe it was almost borderline toxic. With the stress of school and family, I had to deal with keeping up and maintaining an equally stressful relationship. You can see already where this was going – it was just a downward spiral into madness.
With my life in shambles, I just couldn't bring myself to post on a blog that I tried to maintain a positive tone to it. I couldn't. Even if I wanted to write something, I just couldn't. Plus, my ex-boyfriend previously had access to those blogs and I didn't want him to read anything. I'll be honest, I'm still a little bit paranoid that maybe he's reading this. /you know what, fuck it. who gives a damn if he's reading/
Then, in 2019, I was like fuck it. I need to start getting my life back together. Somehow. I wasn't going to drop out of school so I changed my major and essentially "started over again." If you're curious, I'm a teaching major and I love it. It has its own set of difficulties but I feel so much happier. I'm doing better in that field which helped me slowly mend back my relationship with my parents. I'm still working on that, but it's a lot better compared to how it used to be. Later on, by mid-2019, I broke up with my boyfriend. Oh my god. I felt like I could b r e a t h again for the first time.
I spent the rest of 2019 just doing self-care, focusing on school and work, doing tiny things to help with my mental health and make me happy again. I was slowly getting my life back together, slowly getting back into the things that I love and being an unapologetic fangirl. Once I felt like I was in a better place, that's when I can finally consider going back to my blog. I missed this so much.
It's 2020. It's a new decade. I have some entries that I need to finish like my prolonged 30 Day J-pop challenges. However, I do have ideas for new entries that I want to write. I want to consider this a new start, a new chapter in my blogging life. So, if you're still following me up until now, thank you for doing so. I don't know why you would follow me but thank you. And if you're a new follower who just randomly stumbled upon this, hi. I'm a rambling mess but thanks for visiting and I hope you stay.
Hi, my name is Airi. It's been nearly two years but I'm back.
Please continue to support me and thank you for putting up with my shit.
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